Thou shall NOT name thy child.....

I have had this discussion many times before, with schoolmates, varsity friends and colleagues. What Chinese name NOT to give your child. Or more precisely, what Chinese names are taboo. Taboo in the sense that the name would be a source of ridicule for the poor child.

Names can mean well, but may sound obscene and/or funny in Hokkien. So here's a short list

1. Bee Leng (smell breast)

2. Bee Lan (smell dick)

3. Chee Fai (sounds like ciba*... tooot. i.e. vagina) Especially if your surname is Chow, Tan, Lau, So, Teoh (like tiu) or worst, Mak. Have a junior in school with that name. His classmates will shout out his name when the principal passes by.

4. Kim Lan (sounds like gim lan (hold cock). Imagine your teacher calling out in class Ai Kim Lam, siapa Ai Kim Lan? - who wants to hold cock?

5. Pek Lan (white dick or force open dick)

6. Siew Lan (sounds like keeping/uphold lan)

7. Poh Leng (hug breast)

8. Tong Hai (eastern sea sounds like touch vagina)

9. Poh Lan (tsk tsk tsk precious dick or bo lan, no dick or poh lan - hug dick)

10.Poh Yao (sounds like poh hiao - pondan)

11. Ling Ling (or Leng Leng) - Lau Leng Leng (saggy boobs), Kiew Leng Leng (wrinkly breast or pull breast)

12.So Leng (caress breast)

In school, I had a classmate named A** Bee Lan (surname bleeped to protect her identity). One of my classmates started this thing by calling her A** Bee and not saying the Lan word. Realising that a large number of us were doing that, she inquired, of which the answer is:

My mother say cannot use bad word, so I call you A** Bee only lah!

See, bad for her to make us say notti words all day, all year. No wonder we didn't do well in exams, lol.

Chinese ppl like to check and see if the name is good i.e. tian ge, di ge, zong ge and ren ge are all good. Whilst it may sound beautiful in Mandarin, the anglicised equivalent, usually influenced by the dialectic tongue of the parent, might might end up sounding embarrassingly obscene.

Look at what a well-known blogger had to say bout her kids' names here.

If I have kids, I will give them names like Keat Kee, Keat Leng, Chio Leng, Ewe Pang, Sua Leng (good/powerful stick, good or full breast, beautiful breast or rubber, Oil pump, hill breast). Nah...just kidding.